After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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