but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just google imaged poop.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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