Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
