Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He? As in you personified your dick?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
