Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
