They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
