last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
