Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
