So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
