Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
