New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
