why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You left your underwear on the fireplace
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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