i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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