how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
