I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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