this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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