I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
