you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
