No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
