i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Come see our sink grown plant.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
