...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
