Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Everything about him screamed your future.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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