You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
