In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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