dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
