I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
