I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
