Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
