First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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