great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
