i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
