Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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