Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
