alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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