Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
