I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
