Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
whose parrot is this?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
