I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
