I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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