Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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