i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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