i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
