The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
