i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
