Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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