Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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