not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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