my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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