found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
