I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I will pee on everything he values.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
