I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It's Friday. Sex?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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