it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
