I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
