Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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