Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
