he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
