she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
