do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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