turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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